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OK NaNoWriMo: this month I’d like you to write just 50,000 words on anything that strikes you as appropriate. No, on second thoughts, I’d like a maximum of 500 words on the topic of something difficult, a target that would take a great effort to achieve, that was either met or missed.
Failed on the basics.
I’d been riding pillion on a BSA since my teens. Clandestinely to start, because my parents forbade me, but by 2004 I was well past that, and three years past my first BSA rally, which had taken us to Australia. Being one of 200 bikes wending our way across rolling golden hills an unforgettable experience. Even so, that June morning, emerging from the ferry terminal to read, “Berlin 623 km” was somewhat daunting. To start we were a group of six or seven, not following the same route (we’d hotels booked) but all obliged to spend a lot of time on the autobahn.
After bit I began to wonder about what riding a bike involved. What was he doing every time he jigged his left foot up and down? With all those km to wonder I guess that was where the desire to do it myself was born.
BUT
But the one time I’d sat astride one of his bikes and followed his careful instructions, I’d been so surprised when the thing moved (and lacking any instruction to steer) that I went straight into the wall of his house. Slowly enough not to damage either me or the bike (It was early enough in our relationship for him to ask about me first).Years passed. We acquired children and cars. He gave up bikes until he retired, quite quickly amassing half a dozen or more. I thought again about riding a bike.
Booked a course. Was complimented on the suitability of boots, jacket, helmet. Sat astride a bike. Talked though all I needed to do, in what sequence. Did as instructed.
BUT as with my (now husband) I wasn’t told to steer, and to compound the problem, the instructor stood at the front of the bike.
It was inevitable I’d knock him over.
Luckily, without damage.
He was encouraging. ‘Try riding a pushbike for a bit. Get your balance. Come back next week.”
I did, but I’d lost my nerve by then.
And I knew, deep down, my husband didn’t deserve to be put though the worry of me on one of his precious BSAs.
So I stuck to riding pillion, surprised by how many said how brave I was to do so.
[373 words excluding title]Real rough, block-of-text, stream-of-consciousness business, because it’s the end of the month, and how did we get here?!, and I been stupid-busy so zero time for much fanciness, or many words 😅😅
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I Got Nothing
Understanding. To buttress. In-sight. The value in me seeking the value in you, and seeing it. Knowing it, like a true friend. What is worth the while? Everyone has something they want to share, while they throw each other in the garbage. How cruel we are. And how deserving of our cruelty. Everyone wants someone to be close to, just not forever. Let them eat cake then, and choke on it. If you can’t fall desperately in love, with need so overwhelming you are powerless to control it, then return from whence you came. Permissionless. There is nothing here for you to casually touch. Not that I believe in asking for permission. That is merely the blackhole in which chemistry goes to die. Just don’t be so superficial, for fuck’s sake! Thoughts so decentralized, I’ve become this free-floating soul in a metaverse of inadequate human narratives; they only counter the truth of all that has ever been, and it’s no deal at all. But I am happy to be bored and alone, even if it is a sin to miss my target so completely. Even then, especially then, I am yours.
[190 words excluding title]
Well, two entries this month. Both of them top notch.
Sandra’s story tells me so clearly about that moment when, inexplicably, there is no avoiding the surprise of what you expect to happen actually happening. It’s so familiar and so infuriating.
Knicks plunges us into the very innermost world of a relationship. Twisting and turning thoughts: I loved the blackhole in which chemistry goes to die.
Sandra, you put me on that bike. You win again.
Congratulations Sandra. I loved both stories so I don’t envy Ath having to choose.
Couldn’t think of anything so had to bow out.
Thank you Ath, and thank you Knicks for a version I wish I’d thought of , so many excellent phrases. Now to try to craft an irresistible competition!!
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