Reply To: Chapter seven – a spider's path

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#1071
Squidge
Participant

I have so missed reading your writing! So good to see you here x

Ooh… I like this. Love the ramblings of his mind and the nuggets he reveals. I think I only noticed one it’s instead of its towards the start, so don’t worry so much about the dyslexia…

The first thing I picked up on are his speech/thought patterns. By which I mean he sounds quite formal when he’s talking to the landlord’s daughter, but towards the end, he’s dropped into ‘innit’, which seemed out of character for how he’s narrating his thoughts up to that point.

The other thing was that I assumed that whole conversation with the girl was on the doorstep for some reason – it was only when I got to the bit when he turns from walking up the stairs I realised he’s actually gone into the house.

In more general terms, this MC’s got a lot of issues – and history – which comes across very clearly. Look forward to reading more.