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#1152
Raine
Participant

THis is great Squidge, love the immediate dive into her PoV, her frustrations and doubts. My only two thoughts are …
– some of the descriptive paragraph (Tilda gritted her teeth…) might be worth trimming. It’s a chunk of … background I guess, that perhaps needs only a hint here, with more details as you go on?
– and, I think someone else suggested this, but could some of the telling of Silviu’s atittude/threats etc, be spoken dialogue? Would set them up as a character more strongly, as well as breaking up Tilda’s introspection?

Other than that, it’s full of hints and character and definitely works as a start to something exciting! ‘Would read on’ as they say!