About › Forums › Den of Writers › Critiques › Wip beginning… › Reply To: Wip beginning…
September 19, 2018 at 2:58 pm
#1545
Daedalus
Participant
Personally I like it. The narrator-y bits make the transitions into a sort of PD slide. If you’re going to introduce a range of geographically dispersed characters in a short piece of text, this seems like a good way to do it. And I like the voice
‘This was a Sunday, the day it began was a Thursday’ – comma splice?
‘Domain’ – Demain? (French for tomorrow, I presume?)