Thank-you so much for your comments, everyone. They are so helpful. Oh wait, I should tag, right, else you might not see it? @jd73, @daedalus and @sandradavies, you are ace. Thank-you. I love the word stochastic too!
@philippaeast – no this isn’t the one with pub/agents, it’s one of the next two and I’m trying to decide which one to throw out into the world next!
I might try softening the *really* distant narrator phrases, and also see if I can find a way to root it a bit more. Lina is the main PoV, but the others are PoVs too, and I think we need to see them at this key starting moment. But maybe I flit between them too quickly. Oooh, or… I do the external narrator bits to introduce them all, and then return to the closer in Lina bits to end the chapter. The next chapter is in her PoV, so that might flow better. Hmm. I might try that…