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September 23, 2018 at 6:38 pm
#1723
John S Alty
Participant
Yes, I’d read more. The first section is intriguing and I’d want to find out how this fits into the overall story. Good writing, confident. Might be a bit overwritten in places – could be simplified on edit, perhaps.
Second section brings us back to reality nicely, well written. Without knowing the story it’s difficult to say if these sections are used in the right order for best effect but I’m certainly hooked.