Yes, I think this version is considerably better, and the point you make about when the possession occurs is a good one.
The trick is condensing a fairly comprehensive physiology. I’ve made the manananggal a species that can reproduce, rather than a single entity. Galina is first possessed in her mother’s womb, and the spirit lies dormant until her menarche, although Galina doesn’t she’s possessed until the attempted rape.
I’ll deal with the bits that still drag.
Great stuff. You’re a star.