Reply To: Red (short story – 2,600 words)

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#2655
John S Alty
Participant

Hi L,

I think you could trim most of the paragraphs in the first half of the story, really. The Physics thing (tight pants) early on could go, you use this analogy later on anyway. Watching a film at the cinema, that paragraph could be less wordy I think.
And towards the end – “zipped her hoodie and pulled the hood over her head” etc. I know it’s an important reference but the hood and hoodie jars, maybe coat, cloak, sweater?
You know I like most of your stuff, just trying to help 🙂