Reply To: A Blank Piece of Paper (short Story – critique)

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#519
Kate
Participant

Thought provoking and intriguing as usual Elle. I very much enjoyed, but I’m with Philippa that, for me, there were perhaps too many vignettes. I thought at one point that you were moving us forward through time up until the telephone conversation, and then reversing us after that, because some of the names repeated, but then I realised it was just random. So perhaps you could structurally tweak a little to avoid a meandering feel.
As Philippa commented, the telephone conversation is a type of turning point. Could the vignettes after that have a slightly different feel to the preceding ones? As if they’re being analysed with a different eye. Or could the father section, where we discover why this started, be placed for more impact. Maybe it could be the final section before she’s single. A reflection of beginning and end? Just a thought and as usual feel free to disregard. Another nice piece.