Wow, thank you guys for taking the time to read and offer feedback and suggestions. It’s all very helpful and useful to me.
@JaneShuff – thanks for pointing our that sentence to me I can see how it’s confusing and needs some work. And I will correct the pronoun and tense slip!
@Daedalus – the editing feedback and suggestions are great, thank you so much for those and I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the story.
@Philippa – thanks for your feedback. You confirmed by suspicion that the phone conversation was too on the nose. It’s been nagging me. It was one of the last additions and I’m started to think that I don’t need it. You are correct the whole story hinges on the loss of identity in relationship, and self-esteem issue where you end up defining yourself through others. I agree that I don’t want to over do it with the vignettes and lose the reader’s interest. There are a few competitions coming up so I send it to some of them.
@Kate – Thanks for reading and for your feedback. I like your idea of moving the father vignette towards the end of the story. I am starting to think that maybe the piece would be better without the phone call and only having the different relationships.