Chrissy

All these entries are wonderful! Goodness, it has been hard to choose a winner. I love the way they all capture the detail of immediate surroundings at the same time as linking to a wider world, and how each one answers the competition’s brief in such interesting ways. All these pieces show acute sensibilities and curiosity, and I really enjoyed…[Read more]

Ten days left for anyone thinking about entering the May monthly Den competition 🙂

Lots of short posts worked! Hope they’re helpful. Kate

As a slightly more general point, I wonder if this chapter moves the story forward enough. They have this great and exciting ride and Elsbeth discovers some things about herself, but has the plot moved at all? Not having read the rest of the story it’s a bit hard to tell, but just something to think about. (Have to admit I’m guilty of too much pac…[Read more]

A few other odds and ends: ‘Snow melt trickled off the mountains into a river underground.’ This is a very big image. What is Elsbeth seeing exactly. Maybe more precise.

‘Elspeth reached out to touch him. Her fingers touched his sleeve.’ Repetition of touch.

‘Elspeth invited her to sit with them’. How? – did she indicate the chair and smile.

‘…[Read more]

Concentrating specifically on the flight section, here are some thoughts on how to use show rather than tell:

Elspeth and Tamram accepted with delight (telly – having them reply might work better. ‘Oh yes, that would be amazing’, then show us what Elsbeth is feeling. ‘A prickle of anticipation ran across Elsbeth’s skin.’ And then perhaps a d…[Read more]

So for example, instead of saying ‘Elspeth hoped he was asking about Dad.’ You could say. ‘Please let him be asking about Dad’. that gives us Elsbeth’s thought directly, without filtering her thoughts through her.

Or, instead of ‘Elspeth decided to ask Launde about it.’ ‘She would ask Launde about it.’ Because we’re in Elsbeth’s POV, you…[Read more]

Hi MCave – thanks for sharing with us. I can see flying around on giant dragonflies would be very appealing to your MG market.
While this is fun, it does feel a bit distant and telly in places. It would be nice if you could move us a bit closer to the MC and let the reader experience the excitement, particularly with the flying, that Elspeth w…[Read more]

Thank you @Raine and everyone, this is a lovely surprise! I enjoyed the challenge of writing some non-fiction. I loved everyone else’s entries too. A captivating variety as always, and such good writing.

I’ll go away now and think of a theme for the May competition.

Well done, Libby, thoroughly deserved.

The Portrait

In the mid 1980s I bought a Victorian water-colour portrait of a young woman: anonymous, unfinished, unsigned. In the window of a London antique shop the half-profile head and shoulders were almost life size but only her face was complete. I stood on the pavement and dithered. Did I like this picture?

Part of the problem was her…[Read more]

Congratulations, Raine. Your story has made me shiver with anxiety! Well done – fabulous writing.

Thank you John for setting the competition. I’m sorry March passed me by in a blur, what with one thing and another, and I didn’t manage an entry.

So, four very different entries this month. Eenie, meanie, minie, mo.

Seagreen made me laugh, Jill made me smile, Raine worried the hell out of me and Athelstone made me melancholy.Can’t separate you, all excellent.

But I’m going to give this months prize to Raine for all that energy and power.

Well done all of you!

Last day to get your entries in!

Thanks all. Was glad this one found a home, not having had much success with short fiction recently