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Squidge posted an update 6 years, 9 months ago
So I am no longer the mum of two children; I’m the mum of two adults (supposedly) as Squidgeling T was 18 last Saturday.
Feels very strange. Empty nest syndrome beckons…but so do holidays out of term time, opportunities to reconnect with Mr Squidge (you don’t realise how much of your identity is tied up with your kids until they are doing their own thing) and not stressing about how the kids’ plans fit in with/muck up your own.
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Aww. In my view they should have left the age of majority at 21. Especially since they all seem to stay on the payroll for far longer than that anyway…
Anyway, congratulations on having two adults and enjoy some quality time with Mr Squidge.
“they all seem to stay on the payroll for far longer than that anyway”
Tell me about it!
Congratulations, Squidge. Enjoy your return to a more independent life!
Wait until you’re a grandparent. That’s an even stranger feeling!
It does change, Squidge. It can be a bit disorientating at first and sometimes a bit sad, but you’ll develop a new relationship with them which, even though it’s a totally different shape, completely fills the hole they leave behind. Odd that.
I’ve been somewhat strategic in helping my daughter to develop her independence. It was I who left home for trips away, leaving her to fend for herself (once she was working, I should add!). Good practice, I thought, for when she gets a place of her own – and she agreed. She has not long returned from her big first trip, spending three months in South America. I was excited for her, thinking of all the experiences she’d have, people she’d meet, cultures she’d experience, and friends she’d make. But modern technology allowed her to text me at the drop of a hat, which saddened me at times; I wanted her to forget about me and concentrate on her adventure. When I started travelling in the 80s, mobile phones didn’t exist and my parents were lucky to get a letter every three months. I learned to become resourceful.
My point is, Squidge, it’s possible you might not experience empty nest syndrome to the extent you expect – your little darlings may be in touch so often that it will barely feel they’ve left home at all! 🙂
And I entirely agree with the identity issue. Too often, women tend to disappear when they become mothers – you’re usually someone’s mum, or someone’s wife. It’s rather lovely to regain your identity at this stage of life, and you may be surprised to discover new things about yourself.
Athers makes a good point in that the relationship changes. Certainly my daughter and I enjoy each other’s company much more now and we have adult conversations as she questions and forms opinions about the world around her. I find myself in awe of her at times.
So, take it gently, enjoy the emerging freedom and reconnecting with your other half, and vacations outside of school holidays. It’s fantastic! And happy 18th birthday to Squidgeling T.
It is a strange feeling, Squidge, which for me felt as though time had played a trick on me. It played stranger tricks when my granddaughter fledged, but suddenly you will wonder how you fit everything in. Athers is right, the holes are soon filled and the relationships blossom, or should I say metamorphose into something quite different and hopefully splendid.
Aw, thanks all. I know things do get easier – and become different – as we’re already on that road with our eldest. We’ll take it slow, and Mr S and I will no doubt talk about it all and fingers crossed we’ll find a new equilibrium soon.
All my nest-leavers are now in their forties(!!!) and yes, there’s huge benefit in re-discovering the bloke you remember from way back when, but also great to build new relationships with the emerging adults. All different. All totally rewarding.