AlanP

Hurray! Well done indeed, and all the best for the next steps. Keep us posted.

This is fab! Well done!!

This is fantastic news! Absolutely brilliant. Well done. And so exciting that you already have an editor at PRH lined up. I think it is great to get an agent too, to negotiate all those tricky contracts! Regarding the other rLondon agent, I think that you can simply inform her that you’ve signed with someone else and you wish to withdraw your…[Read more]

So, so pleased for you – to get placed once in a comp is awesome, but to be placed twice in the same one? Out of this world!

I am so chuffed with all this good news today in the Den!!

Squeeeeee!!! So, so pleased for you! And Penguin Random House too? Flip – that’s the big time! Can’t tell you how delighted I am for you xxx

Taking on board the comments so far, here’s an edited version, with a title change.

The First Time
Two men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor.
“Florence has quite perked up since you arranged this visit so she should be able to answer your questions. She’ll tire quickly, though, remember she’s over ninety.”
“Thank you, we’l…[Read more]

Thanks Tony, good points, noted.
Thanks, Elle. I guess my spell checker doesn’t speak French! Good points. I think I have a tendency to over-explain or I would have ended it at “He was my first”. Need to trust the reader more. The telly paragraph is a bit of a cop out – I’ll need to rewrite it.

I can’t remember what the original prompt was, but I…[Read more]

Good luck for when you sub! Xx

Yes, definetly more oblique, great. I wonder if you might change the ‘I hate sharing you’ lime (which makes Ashley sounds possessive) to something like “it’s just… you know how you get.” In other words, have Ashley referring to the problem without quite naming it…

Oh – and it might be good if there was a veiled hint of what was to come, earlier on. I mean heavily veiled, so that its true meaning would only be realised after reading to the end. Just a thought.

I thought this very well written, John; nicely constructed, with the flashback. I kept wanting to read on. The only suggestion I would make is in the ending. “He was my first” is good because you immediately think she means her first time with a man, but quickly we see that’s not what she meant – which gives away the ending too soon. Much as I…[Read more]