Anna

I liked the list of blogs we used to have at the side. Mainly because it told me when there was a new blog from people I read. I also think the blogs are a very useful resource. But I can see it’s yet another job for someone and I’ve just discovered the blogs section of the Forum now!. Maybe I’ll just post in that each time there’s something I…[Read more]

Is it possible to have links to blogs somewhere as we did on the Cloud? Like Emma D’s and Squidge?

Thanks, Daeds. It’s been an interesting exercise.

Huge congratulations CJ. Faberoo

Thanks Lorraine. To some extent you’re reading my mind! I’ve changed the opening, she’s on a three day pass, we’re down to one policeman, added sensory bits, edited, edited. Your comments are very helpful. I think I might just put it on my website.

Starting with a sentence that gives away what is going to happen is something I do a lot myself. There is a stage in my editing process where I go through the MS and look for them and mainly remove or change them. I think they are sort of notes to myself that need to come out.

Is this the opening to number two? It works really well whether you’ve read the first or not. Straight into the action and letting us know about Tilda and her situation without us feeling we are being told. I am inclined to agree with Mad about not giving away that she will succeed in creating an illuminorb in the opening sentence.

Thank you Squidge,I appreciate the input. Food for thought.

Thanks Jules.

You mean the coppery tang of blood as her scalpel slices through pale flesh?! Just kidding. I know what you mean, Laure, I need to work on the atmosphere.
I hope this exercise is helping others to get a grasp of what makes a story work – join in everyone.

Hi Kaz. I am just so excited and thrilled for you. Am going rund he house with a stupid grin on my face.

Massive congratulations Janette. Looking forward to reading it!

Taking on board the comments so far, here’s an edited version, with a title change.

The First Time
Two men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor.
“Florence has quite perked up since you arranged this visit so she should be able to answer your questions. She’ll tire quickly, though, remember she’s over ninety.”
“Thank you, we’l…[Read more]

Thanks Tony, good points, noted.
Thanks, Elle. I guess my spell checker doesn’t speak French! Good points. I think I have a tendency to over-explain or I would have ended it at “He was my first”. Need to trust the reader more. The telly paragraph is a bit of a cop out – I’ll need to rewrite it.

I can’t remember what the original prompt was, but I…[Read more]

Hi Daeds,
Yes, if you look under fiction at acrossthemargin.com and at https://www.ellipsiszine.com you should find them. A couple of super stories from @Elle also.