Barny

Thanks @seagreen, this is all great. I’ll have a think about the save the cat moment and ramp up the fear a bit as a few people have mentioned that. I’ll weed out some of the description as well.

Re the being in the character’s head, and the explanations like ‘standing next to me’, I think you’ve cut to the heart of my question re YA vs MG…[Read more]

Hi Kate,

I don’t see a problem with the language either, to be honest, but (like Squidge) I did wonder about the amount of description at the start. It takes us out of the moment and lessens the impact of the question ‘How did I end up in this mess?’ if you see what I mean?

I have a few observations, obviously ignore anything that doesn’t work…[Read more]

Thanks @bella – it was fun to write.

Perfect @squidge, that’s great to know it’s about right. I was worrying it was a bit densely packed but maybe I just have to be careful of too heavy descriptions. I shall tweak as suggested.

Hi Kate, it’s pitched about right, I think.

I wondered about the amount of description initially – and where it just touches on backstory/info dump when your MC says she’s never been there before. Can you rework something along the lines of ‘In all my sneaking around, I’d never managed to see inside, and I wasn’t disappointed on this, my first…[Read more]

I have no experience of writing MG, and it is a loooooong time since I was aged between 8 and 12 (that’s the MG target, right?) but I would say you are slap bang on the money. I’d certainly have gone for this at that age. It’s great fun.