Bren

I’d agree with you Jane, ‘less is more’ works for violent scenes much as it does for sex scenes, though I suppose you’d have to work harder so as to bring something fresh for the readers’ mind to work on.
Those long, graphic scenes can be effective, up to a point but can tun as many off as they do on, so go with your gut feeling.

Earth and smoke and iron

It were an odd one and no mistake. She were odd. Educated; not from round here. ‘Otherworldly’ some might say.
She lugged it in, wrapped up in brown paper, tied with string. Knots sealed with blobs of scarlet wax.
‘You’ll ‘after tell me what’s in it, lass –‘
‘A coat. An army one. That’s what’s the smell –‘
I sniffed. A…[Read more]

@Stevie – definitely sounds worth a shot

@alanr – no idea but thought it might warrant further exploration (and we may even have some US based people here anyway)

Great writing Seagreen. I thought it was a winner as soon as I read it. Super competition Daeds and what a great effort with all the feedback!

I’m in Loughborough – I wouldn’t call it quaint or pretty…like any town, there are bits like that, but not in the town centre. I suppose it depends on where most of the action happens…

Not sure where you’re based, Philippa, but happy to show you round if you want to see it!

Hi @alanr,

Great! That makes sense. I think all of the points you make about how the manananggal operates within Galina could be turned into a great hook in your blurb, while also satisfactorily answering the agent’s burning question of ‘how does this possession thing work?’

A final couple of super-picky points.

I would be wary of ‘selling’…[Read more]

Thanks guys, and sorry for my slow reply (I am currently on a canal boat!)

These are all extremely helpful ideas, great brainstorming. I am going to take some time to digest it all and see what speaks to me.

I do like the idea of a fairly “quaint” or “middle class pretty” town which contrasts with the trauma of abduction. Also the theme (which…[Read more]

Nice prompt… Looking forward to getting my teeth stuck into this one.

Thanks, Daeds, a valid point and I appreciate the input.

Thanks John. Mostly I meant that you make us feel what it was like so well, the few places where you just tell us something directly stood out – e.g. ‘but the loss of his attendance bonus would have been intolerable’ – I would have preferred a sense of what intolerable meant to them. But it’s a seriously picky point for such a short word count…[Read more]

Well done Seagreen, fully deserved.
Thanks, Daeds. Yes, I was in SA for the election. What do you mean by “on the nose”?

Absolutely delighted for you Janette -thoroughly deserved of course

Congratulations, Seagreen, on a worthy winning entry.

Well done, Sea 🙂 A very well deserved win. And thanks Daed for getting the ball rolling. Great monthly comp.

Well done, Sea! And thanks for setting us off on a monthly comp journey again here in the Den, Daeds.

I just amended the post to tag people, which I’d forgotten to do before. I hope people get notifications of tags when it’s an edited post? Oh well, we’ll find out