@helen
Active 5 months ago-
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Philippa East replied to the topic A Blank Piece of Paper (short Story – critique) in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
Good luck for when you sub! Xx
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Philippa East replied to the topic A Blank Piece of Paper (short Story – critique) in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
Yes, definetly more oblique, great. I wonder if you might change the ‘I hate sharing you’ lime (which makes Ashley sounds possessive) to something like “it’s just… you know how you get.” In other words, have Ashley referring to the problem without quite naming it…
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Philippa East replied to the topic A Blank Piece of Paper (short Story – critique) in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
FWIW, I actually think the phonemail is a really key pivot point! I would recommend keeping this in, and building the structure of the piece as a whole around it, as Kate highlights.
Remember, even though this story is built of a series of vignettes, it still needs to have a narrative arc. The phone call gives you a useful turning point, and the…[Read more] -
Philippa East replied to the topic The Disappearance of Rebecca Faulks (short Story – 2,800 words) in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
Hi Elle,
Sorry it’s taken me a while to get to this.I really enjoyed this. I think it’s an incredibly realistic portrayal of depression, especially the sense of complete hopelessness and almost indifference that invades. She almost simply accepts and embraces her “fate”, to the point where (for me) suicide in the bath seemed like simply the next…[Read more]
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John S Alty started the topic Memories in the forum Critiques 7 years, 10 months ago
Here’s a nasty little story I have been playing around with for fun. Have at it, critics!
Memories
Two tall men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor towards Room 19.
“Florence can be a bit slow some days but most of the time she’s surprisingly bright. She was quite perky earlier so she should be able to answer your que…[Read more] -
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Sandra posted an update 7 years, 10 months ago
@jhowejr And yet another Predictioneer – well done and welcome.
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John S Alty replied to the topic Short Story Publication/Competition in the forum Podium 7 years, 10 months ago
Hi Daeds,
Yes, if you look under fiction at acrossthemargin.com and at https://www.ellipsiszine.com you should find them. A couple of super stories from @Elle also. -
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Janette replied to the topic Friday night live in the forum Podium 7 years, 10 months ago
Just catching up with things, including this. Yep, the girl did well. It was an amazing piece well read and really was stand-out. There was one other – a very good comedic piece – which got close, but Helen’s had the edge and I do hope she posts it so that you can see what we mean.
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