JaneShuff

Interesting. If I’m asking people for feedback and it’s the first time for us both, I try to signal that I know the piece of work isn’t perfect/finished and that I am genuinely hoping to be told what doesn’t work. Is that self-deprecating? I don’t think so. But I wouldn’t express doubts in a cover letter because it does beg the question as to why…[Read more]

Thanks, Giselle. You’d do well to duck.

Ha, Kaz! Have you snuck into my house and been reading over my shoulder? That’s pretty much where I’d got to – thanks in no small part to this thread. I was avoiding the scene and the complicated POV didn’t help. However I think, by making it somehow trigger a flashback to the earlier scene where she is beaten up by her husband and making her feel…[Read more]

And Philippa, I’m just trying to collect my thoughts to DM you…

I’d love to read the whole thing, Richard, if you’re ever looking for someone else to look at it.

I had to read this a few times, Richard, to get beyond the awfulness of it. You were right to post it with a warning.
It’s a very strong piece of writing and – this is meant as a compliment – I’m glad I had a go at my own scene before reading it, because I would have found it difficult to write in my own voice afterwards! Yes, I see how you’ve…[Read more]

Sorry, a ghost of an idea. I might have a couple of questions for you about subsequent trauma causing people to relive earlier trauma.

I can imagine how difficult that must have been to write, Richard, and I would love to read it.

The close POV is definitely a solution. However in my trickiest scene the POV is neither victim nor perpetrator but a sort of onlooker who cannot act. However this discussion has been really useful because I have, at least, realised this is why it is…[Read more]

Some great ideas in there, thanks Jonathan

Jonathan, I don’t want to write more detail of exactly where and how many times they hit her and how much it hurts (or doesn’t) mainly because I don’t think it advances the scene and would therefore be gratuitous. I’ve tried, now, to write enough for the reader to understand that it was horrifying, callous and caused life-threatening damage (which…[Read more]

Thriller/Psychological thriller, Anna. If you have any suggestions of books where you think the violence is done well, I’d be interested!

Kate, I think I am may have let my decision to keep the violence short stop the scene from developing in other ways so I’ve been working on that but I can see, nevertheless, that the violence has been threatened for a long time and I’ve ramped up the tension and fear leading up to it and maybe that is why it seems a let down.

Nothing to add to Daed’s and Raine’s wise words except to sympathise Bella. It must have been very frightening.

You know what Raine, I think your last suggestion might work better. It’s hard for me to comment because I’ve read and loved this before but I found some of the transitions in and out of distant narrator bits somewhat abrupt but that could just be because it was unfamiliar.