Kate Hudson

I do that too, Sandra.

Then ‘mate’ worked, don’t fret – the trouble with reading to critique is that one tries too hard and focuses on unnecessaries.

Thanks Sandra. The ‘mate’ was an attempt to show gender. Always tricky in first person. I’ve never been on a motorbike so your observations are most useful, as are your suggested tweaks. Much appreciated.

I like this a LOT Kate and defnitely want to read on. One of the intriguing things for me (don’t know if it’s intentional, presume so) is that, despite the ‘mate’ I don’t 100% know what sex the narrator is at this point – either woukd be of interest.

I entirely agree with Bella’s tweaks, the following are my own reactions and are to be ignored…[Read more]

Thanks Bella. I’m relieved it works for you and thanks for all the tweaks. Definitely should be ‘they would come for me.’ Great catch.

This is a good opening, Bella. An interesting character and the dualised relationships with cat, father and mother.

I think it starts at a good point, right into an interaction that lays the groundwork for a complex relationship. Some minor things that struck me were the early ‘tell’ of Bert that others have mentioned, and a sense that the…[Read more]

Once I’d read through a couple of times, my overall impression was curiosity, which is generally a good thing, and I felt comfortable with the way the story is moving. When I read through the first time though, I was a bit confused as to what was going on. I don’t mean the bare facts, I mean things like whether Bethany wanted the phone call,…[Read more]

Once I’d read through a couple of times, my overall impression was curiosity, which is generally a good thing, and I felt comfortable with the way the story is moving. When I read through the first time though, I was a bit confused as to what was going on. I don’t mean the bare facts, I mean things like whether Bethany wanted the phone call,…[Read more]

Some lovely, quality writing, Bella.

I do agree with the others that I didn’t need quite so much information about the Bert back story. That did slow it down.

I liked this bit. ‘The conversation could go either way. She held her breath’ It really had me thinking uh-oh, what is this mother going to be like? Is she mentally unstable and going to…[Read more]

PS I particularly enjoyed the telephone conversation betwenn the two of them.

It didn’t seem slow to me at all @bellam. Lots of great stuff. An unhappy heroine with a tricky relationship with her annoying mother who clearly has secrets in her past. And now she’s going to have to go on some ghastly coach trip with her. I’d read on. Particularly as she’s got an old and much loved cat. Only one comment – maybe the back story…[Read more]

Wonderful news. Congratulations. And very interesting about the previous rejections. Subjective, as you say.

For the sake of balance/context/perspective, this story has been rejected by three magazines. Just shows how totally subjective this game is!

Oh, Raine, that’s just fantastic. You deserve recognition.

Brilliant success Raine – one out of a thousand! – Wow indeed.

I’m still hosting https://predictionfiction.blogspot.com/ every
week, which is 2 x 100 words of two serials plus a standalone if inspiration/prompts permit. Also it’s me who judges the winner. So I don’t have much spare time with competitions as well, unless they strike an immediate chord.
I do think Raine’s idea of only commenting the winner…[Read more]