Squidge

Thank you! So helpful! xx

Lots of short posts worked! Hope they’re helpful. Kate

As a slightly more general point, I wonder if this chapter moves the story forward enough. They have this great and exciting ride and Elsbeth discovers some things about herself, but has the plot moved at all? Not having read the rest of the story it’s a bit hard to tell, but just something to think about. (Have to admit I’m guilty of too much pac…[Read more]

A few other odds and ends: ‘Snow melt trickled off the mountains into a river underground.’ This is a very big image. What is Elsbeth seeing exactly. Maybe more precise.

‘Elspeth reached out to touch him. Her fingers touched his sleeve.’ Repetition of touch.

‘Elspeth invited her to sit with them’. How? – did she indicate the chair and smile.

‘…[Read more]

Concentrating specifically on the flight section, here are some thoughts on how to use show rather than tell:

Elspeth and Tamram accepted with delight (telly – having them reply might work better. ‘Oh yes, that would be amazing’, then show us what Elsbeth is feeling. ‘A prickle of anticipation ran across Elsbeth’s skin.’ And then perhaps a d…[Read more]

So for example, instead of saying ‘Elspeth hoped he was asking about Dad.’ You could say. ‘Please let him be asking about Dad’. that gives us Elsbeth’s thought directly, without filtering her thoughts through her.

Or, instead of ‘Elspeth decided to ask Launde about it.’ ‘She would ask Launde about it.’ Because we’re in Elsbeth’s POV, you…[Read more]

Hi MCave – thanks for sharing with us. I can see flying around on giant dragonflies would be very appealing to your MG market.
While this is fun, it does feel a bit distant and telly in places. It would be nice if you could move us a bit closer to the MC and let the reader experience the excitement, particularly with the flying, that Elspeth w…[Read more]

I have to agree with Ath, they were a wonderful lot of entries this month. Congratulations to Libby and to everybody who took part. Fingers crossed I might get an entry in this month!

Between 2011 and 2013, for some eighteen months, I participated in a ‘Small stones’ project; a daily moment of intense observation. Many were made during the twelve minute walk (six there, six back) to buy a morning paper. This is a 396 word selection.

Autumn

Stepping stones of yellow sycamore
stuck to the rain-damp road

And the sky this mor…[Read more]

Thank you @Raine for the lovely feedback and for a comp idea that allowed us to think beyond our times, much needed at this point!
Congratulations to @Libby, yours is beautifully written and a well-deserved win.
Hapy May Day everyone!

Well done, Libby – so full of intrigue and resonance – and thinks to Raine for setting such a thought-provoking theme that I was actually inspired to write something. Oh, and yes, that bread-knife is still in daily use.

Thank you Raine – both for setting such an interesting, informative and though-provoking challenge, and for picking my favourite as winner. Well done Libby.

Thank-you all. I just realised as I logged on to write this that we talked about making these comps run over two months rather than one? I’ll stick to one month being as that was how I set it. So. These were all a delight to read. So many memories and things that resonated with me very powerfully. Anyway, on to my thoughts.

@jllsted I am very…[Read more]

I don’t remember this blog in detail, but I do remember thinking what a lucky individual you were to find such a wonderful spot.