StellaOlivetti

Dear Elle

I liked it. I did find myself thinking of that Angela Carter story/film when I was reading the first version so I think there must have been enough subliminal wolf references there. The bit where she ate his fear genuinely creeped me out a bit! A few tiny things – is this for a competition, or a magazine? which might be worth…[Read more]

Richard, that was good/awful. Works very well as it’s Rosalind’s pov so the abandonment of grammar, punctuation etc makes perfect sense. I think upthread examples of where violence is done well was requested: to my mind, one of the best (and it’s really hideous) egs of a violent scene is the torture scene in Day of the Jackal. But as far as I…[Read more]

Me too

I will look at the two comps you mention. Bath, that’s interesting; I am dithering about entering the children’s competition, I think the end date is December. It’s 25 quid though which is a lot. I rationalise it to myself by reminding myself I don’t smoke. And yes, celebs, although I was really thinking of a famous comedian who’s started…[Read more]

I am not sure what I feel about this. On the one hand, Alan, I don’t think you should term not getting long listed in four novel competitions a failure. (Actually I am impressed you managed to find four to enter – I never can find any that seem suitable.) We just don’t know enough about what the judges are looking for. And trying to second…[Read more]

Yay! Well done, John. I did really find this horrible (in a good way). The only thing that jumped out at me (in a bad way) was the use of “seductive” to describe her smile, but that had gone anyway by the second edit.

Stella

I would definitely read on, since that’s what you asked, and I really enjoyed the contrast between the first and second sections. The tense change helps to separate the two, so it isn’t confusing. And I don’t hate prologues! The first bit, the more dreamlike, atmospheric section in the woods, would work as a prologue in my opinion. Of course,…[Read more]

Yes, well, exactly. There’s only seven plots in fiction, I seem to recall being told, and as you say, it’s all down to individual writing. So I wouldn’t worry too much.

Stella

It was Frank Carson I think!

It’s very visual, which I like. I also like your almost-informal style of writing, which should work for your target readership, which I’m assuming is younger teens/children? I vastly preferred your original opening sentence, for what it’s worth, it scanned better for me and ended with the interesting word illuminiorb, which makes you want to…[Read more]