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Kate replied to the topic Critique requested for Middle Grade Fantasy Chapter in the forum Critiques 6 years, 3 months ago
So for example, instead of saying ‘Elspeth hoped he was asking about Dad.’ You could say. ‘Please let him be asking about Dad’. that gives us Elsbeth’s thought directly, without filtering her thoughts through her.
Or, instead of ‘Elspeth decided to ask Launde about it.’ ‘She would ask Launde about it.’ Because we’re in Elsbeth’s POV, you…[Read more]
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Kate replied to the topic Critique requested for Middle Grade Fantasy Chapter in the forum Critiques 6 years, 3 months ago
Hi MCave – thanks for sharing with us. I can see flying around on giant dragonflies would be very appealing to your MG market.
While this is fun, it does feel a bit distant and telly in places. It would be nice if you could move us a bit closer to the MC and let the reader experience the excitement, particularly with the flying, that Elspeth w…[Read more] -
MCave started the topic Critique requested for Middle Grade Fantasy Chapter in the forum Critiques 6 years, 3 months ago
( I hope it works. It seems to have lost some formatting as I pasted it in here)
This is a middle chapter so a bit of background context:
Elspeth’s dad disappeared ten years ago, but she’s certain he’s still alive because he sends her dreams. Mum won’t talk about Dad. It’s too painful. So Elspeth knows very little about him, except the bits…[Read more] -
MCave posted an update 6 years, 3 months ago
Hello! I’m new here. I’ve been having a nose around and trying get to know this place. I write middle grade fantasy, and would be quite happy to read and critique work for others, but I couldn’t tell from the many of the posts what’s live for critique at the moment. Please point me in the right direction. Thanks and nice to meet you!
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Hi MCave – I’m working on a middle grade fantasy myself at the moment, so hellooo! I don’t think there’s anything current in the crit section, but maybe you’d like to share something.
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Thanks @katemachon. I’d be happy to. I just didn’t want to presume people had time, as I’m new! How do people usually do it? A chapter? Or a synopsis and a chapter?
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Maybe post them separately for focused feedback. I’ll look forward to reading.
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Hullo!! Glad you found your way into the Den. Look forward to seeing the story develop x
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JaneShuff replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
I have to agree with Ath, they were a wonderful lot of entries this month. Congratulations to Libby and to everybody who took part. Fingers crossed I might get an entry in this month!
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JaneShuff posted an update 6 years, 3 months ago
Halloo Hallay (or however you spell it) A gruelling 3,400 words today but I’ve finished the first draft of the end chapter that’s been bugging me for so long. Truly hope I don’t despair when I read it back tomorrow!
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Sandra replied to the topic Monthly comp – May 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Between 2011 and 2013, for some eighteen months, I participated in a ‘Small stones’ project; a daily moment of intense observation. Many were made during the twelve minute walk (six there, six back) to buy a morning paper. This is a 396 word selection.
Autumn
Stepping stones of yellow sycamore
stuck to the rain-damp roadAnd the sky this mor…[Read more]
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Athelstone replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Loved the entries this time round. Very well done Libby. Raine, great topic. Came so close to telling you about my green rug, but it wasn’t to be.
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Jill replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Congratulations, Libby. Well deserved – loved all the entries, but something about a mysterious ‘real life yet uncompleted sitter’ becoming a long lasting inspiration tugged at the heartstrings of fellow writers I think.
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Libby started the topic Monthly comp – May 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
For the May competition, evoke the movement of routine travel. Portray a regular or ordinary journey. Your character(s) can be anyone; the transport can by anything including walking. This task is about day-to-day life rather than big plot turns or realisations – the familiar, written anew.
If you want, do a W H Auden in Night Mail:
Pass…[Read more]
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Giselle replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Thank you @Raine for the lovely feedback and for a comp idea that allowed us to think beyond our times, much needed at this point!
Congratulations to @Libby, yours is beautifully written and a well-deserved win.
Hapy May Day everyone! -
Libby replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Thank you @Raine and everyone, this is a lovely surprise! I enjoyed the challenge of writing some non-fiction. I loved everyone else’s entries too. A captivating variety as always, and such good writing.
I’ll go away now and think of a theme for the May competition.
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John S Alty replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Well done, Libby, thoroughly deserved.
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RichardB replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Well done, Libby – so full of intrigue and resonance – and thinks to Raine for setting such a thought-provoking theme that I was actually inspired to write something. Oh, and yes, that bread-knife is still in daily use.
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Squidge replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Well done, Libby! Loved your piece. Interesting to read the stories behind the objects from everyone.
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Sandra replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Thank you Raine – both for setting such an interesting, informative and though-provoking challenge, and for picking my favourite as winner. Well done Libby.
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Raine replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
Thank-you all. I just realised as I logged on to write this that we talked about making these comps run over two months rather than one? I’ll stick to one month being as that was how I set it. So. These were all a delight to read. So many memories and things that resonated with me very powerfully. Anyway, on to my thoughts.
@jllsted I am very…[Read more]
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Xander Michael replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
*Contains foul language*
Falling in Love Ten Years Ago
‘Fuck! I can’t be late again! If I miss this signing I can kiss any chance of promotion goodbye. Hell, I can probably kiss my job goodbye as well this time! So where the hell are my keys?’
He frantically looked around his new apartment of half…[Read more]
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Sandra posted an update 6 years, 3 months ago
@libby, I loved, loved, loved your comp entry – the agonising over the purchase and then the description – sounds a wonderful piece of inspiration to have in sight.
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@sandradavies Thank you!
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@libby I agree with Sandra, your descriptions are stunning. I’m not quite certain where to post my comment, as I didn’t want to put it on the comp thread. I’m still working my way around… 🙂
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Libby replied to the topic Monthly comp – April 2020 in the forum Monthly Competition 6 years, 3 months ago
The Portrait
In the mid 1980s I bought a Victorian water-colour portrait of a young woman: anonymous, unfinished, unsigned. In the window of a London antique shop the half-profile head and shoulders were almost life size but only her face was complete. I stood on the pavement and dithered. Did I like this picture?
Part of the problem was her…[Read more]
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