I really enjoy this Sophie. I thought it really came alive when we were inside the room and inside his head. Really compelling internal monologue, lots of info and hints at info contained within the that but none of it telegraphed. Just enough to intrigue and pull you in. You do this sort of ‘dark underbelly’ of society so well.
I think the others have made all the points I would have about the first section. It didn’t quite hook me in the way the rest of it did, and feels a bit as though there’s some more streamlining and tightening to do generally. The one thing that pulled me up a little was not having much of a sense of how old the girl was, although that might well be raised before this chapter. She could have been anything between 13 and 18, in my head, and that made the scene a bit hard to pin down. Otherwise, really great stuff, looking forward to seeing more about the mysterious MC.