Reply To: First chapter – Spider's path

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Hi Sophie,

I enjoy reading this. I think you have two distinctive voices which makes each part stands out from other. Especially Laura, I am curious to get to know more about her.

I like the sense of urgency and confusion in the first section. Some of the word repetition work well but I think there might too much of it and and the repetition loses its power and become diluted. Also if this is the opening of chapter 1 we barely spend time or get to know the main MC and what is happening and we get taken out and thrusted into something completely different. My suggestion and you can ignore if you don’t feel it’s right for your story would be either spend more time in the first section before taking the reader somewhere else, or take out that first section and start with 1998. Of course I don’t know how it would work with the rest of your story.

I think the 1998 section makes for a stronger opener than the first part as it is just a sliver of someone lost in the woods getting worked up by the darkness and an overactive imagination. I think the section with Laura has more of a hook (but that’s just my opinion)

I hope this helps!