Barny

Such a generous thing to do.

This is absolutely fantastic. What a brilliant resource

Totally forgot to say – LOVE LOVE LOVE the image of the fly and the spider’s web. Him seeing himself as that fly is so sinister and foreshadowy and makes you really want to side with him in whatever dark shenanigans he is up to! 🙂

Just come to this after reading the first chapter (sorry, I mean’t to read a few days ago and got sidetracked). So this is the guy we meet in the woods? Ace! And I’m assuming we’ve seen a fair bit of him between then and now, so would have already encountered his OCD and the hints of military/prison/crime dribbled into the thoughts. I love the…[Read more]

In a word, yes, would totally read on!! 🙂

Elle has suggested leading with Laura’s PoV, and I do think it might work well that way, partly because we get to know her much better in that short piece of text than we get to know unnamed him. Also because her section is full of suggestions and hooks that I think set up the reader better in terms of…[Read more]

Good things come in threes apparently. Congratulations to you and your daughter, John.

Hi Sophie,

I enjoy reading this. I think you have two distinctive voices which makes each part stands out from other. Especially Laura, I am curious to get to know more about her.

I like the sense of urgency and confusion in the first section. Some of the word repetition work well but I think there might too much of it and and the repetition…[Read more]

I really want to read more of this and work out what’s going on, but I feel this opener is on the way to being something amazing, but isn’t quite there yet. I loved the writing style when you really pushed it and were bold, when you were writing almost in a voice of god style, and could have read a lot more of it. For me, it then focuses in a bit…[Read more]