Sophie Jonas-Hill

Thank you, really helpful stuff – especially the double tingle spot – it’s amazing how much you can read things and not see them!
This brings the two characters together for the first time, and it is quite still, I agree, because she’s trying to hold a status quo, and he’s putting on a front, so they’re both in a state of tension in a way, which…[Read more]

Thank you for commenting, feel positive and have a good sense of where to go with this – thank you!

Thank you all for reading an commenting, it’s very much appreciated. I understand what everyone is saying about the start, it’s all good points – It was sort of a prologue (the part in the woods) but everyone hates them, but maybe just switching the two parts round and making them chapter one and two?
To answer a few specific points, the book…[Read more]

I really want to read more of this and work out what’s going on, but I feel this opener is on the way to being something amazing, but isn’t quite there yet. I loved the writing style when you really pushed it and were bold, when you were writing almost in a voice of god style, and could have read a lot more of it. For me, it then focuses in a bit…[Read more]

Thank you Daedalus – I take your points, I have trimmed it down and I will look at hinting at the girl’s age,as it’s six chapters in, it’s not the start of a book so I hope it wouldn’t have to be handled in the same way, but thanks for reading as ever – and not sure what your observation says about me!

Under clothes, what was I thinking? It’s why you need a fresh pair of eyes, wood for the trees!

Thank you 🙂

Maybe just the one!;)

Hi Squidge!

Good point about moving him into the house, I have added ‘Once inside the door’ to make that clear, and I’ve had a bit of a tweak with his speech, but he is also trying to sound more respectable than he is, because (not a huge spoiler!) he’s putting on an act to her, but I’ve added in a bit more ‘innits!’

Cheerz!

Heaven comes to she who waits – and of course works very hard and never gives up! Wonderful times, huge congratulations!