Barny

I think part of the problem here is that the author is concentrating very hard on the laudable aim of putting as much as possible – that he is comforting her, that he is speaking with his mouth close to her hair – into as few words as possible. Which can be very effective and satisfying when it works, but unfortunately this doesn’t.

It’s also a…[Read more]

Crossed with your reply Kate.

Yes! It is creepy. I have been discussing it offline with another member of the circle. We thought that ‘against her hair’ was perhaps one of the worst possible adjectival phrases.

I did think of a comma and I agree that it helps. What still interests me is whether the construction actually breaches any commonly agreed grammatical rules.

I take your point about common speech tags being transitive, although several are actually ambitransitive e.g.

It was necessary to answer. John answered.

I agree that ‘against’ is a poor…[Read more]

I can’t offer any grammatical analysis, but it does certainly sound wrong. Almost creepily so. I did have to have a giggle at Libby’s analysis of the hair as ‘a nasty piece of work’.

Here are my thoughts but I’m very willing to be told I’m wrong.

The sentence would read better with a more appropriate verb and a comma:

‘Don’t worry,’ Jacob soothed, against her hair.

I agree Ath with both your points — I’d prefer ‘said’ for the speech tag, but using a transitive verb isn’t a problem. Aren’t a lot of speech tags trans…[Read more]

Aw, thanks @knickylaurelle! I did wonder if the medical terms and general set-up might be a bit too off-putting, but obviously not! 😂 Unexpectedly, I had a few moments of nostalgia writing this. There are elements of it I still miss.

Thanks to Ath for giving me the idea in the first place, thanks to Sandra for a bit more Luke, and thanks to my…[Read more]

Super story @seagreen. Positively inspired and a worthy winner.

Thanks for the comp @knickylaurelle. I enjoyed it in spite of it bringing back a few awful memories.

Each of these had me quite tense – from the loop of endless phone calls to unnerving gun point to the high pressure of never-ending tasks you have to micromanage – and each one left me wondering why I did this. I should have asked for peaceful entries to assuage my own anxieties 😅😅, but that might not have been as riveting, lol.

They are all…[Read more]

I went to his funeral a few weeks back. Still a bit raw for everybody but I’m glad I went. He came from a BIG family with ten brothers and two sisters and it was very interesting to meet some of them. Did have one amusing incident. I spoke with the wife of the eldest brother who told me that she always found the brothers, including her husband, ‘a…[Read more]

Woopity woop! 🥳🥳 Thanks, Ath! This was a real challenge for me as evidenced by my unusually late submission. I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but I was working on it the whole time, trying to get the voice right, and make sure my own meaning was clear.

Love your work as always, ladies. Seagreen, your piece was absolutely beautiful; Sandra’s…[Read more]

Happiness Is An Old Slut

Y’know, there were a time – before the Great Dark – when I would chase Happiness. Relentless in my pursuit, I would pin her with a heated stare onto the walls of my life, undress her slow and vulgar, dry fingerin’ the places where she kept her best secrets. But even when I caught her, had my way with her, I knew Happine…[Read more]

Teddy was lost.

Teddy’s owner, Joe, was inconsolable. His face red and blotchy, his screams ringing through the house. How could Joe and Teddy survive apart.

Teddy himself was having a nice time. He’d been left on the bus, propped up next to the window where he could see the world go by. Life with Joe was nice, but sometimes a bit boring. Teddy…[Read more]