JaneShuff

I have two pieces nearly done but I don’t now which of them to enter. Maybe I’ll enter both, one under a pseudonym. Would that be cheating?

Hi @katemachon, just got to this. I love the voice! I do agree about paring down the descriptions, making them part of the action as much as possible. And yes, you need to give us a reason to be on Ariadne’s side – give us her motivations, what she wants, what she fears.

I would also warn against overthinking the whole positioning of it,…[Read more]

It’s still possible to get in close, even using third person. It’s a bit of a knack, to get into your character’s head in this way – I often find myself rewriting complete paras when editing, because by the end of the book I’m so familiar with my character I can tell how they’re going to react, what they’re feeling or thinking. It’s a weird place…[Read more]

I should perhaps confess that my own novel is written in 1st person, and I have so far resisted the notion of changing it.

As for the Brownie Brigade Captain, if he were breathing down Ariadne’s neck or humming in her ear, or something that draws Ariadne’s attention to him, it would draw ours as a result, if that makes any sense.

I wonder if this is the reason more MG books are written in 3rd person? When you write in 1st person, you don’t think like the character, you are the character, and I think that additional explanations will ultimately slow the pace.

I tried to find a MG book written in first person for comparison and all I could think of was Running on the Roof…[Read more]

Hi Kate,

I don’t see a problem with the language either, to be honest, but (like Squidge) I did wonder about the amount of description at the start. It takes us out of the moment and lessens the impact of the question ‘How did I end up in this mess?’ if you see what I mean?

I have a few observations, obviously ignore anything that doesn’t work…[Read more]

Hi Kate, it’s pitched about right, I think.

I wondered about the amount of description initially – and where it just touches on backstory/info dump when your MC says she’s never been there before. Can you rework something along the lines of ‘In all my sneaking around, I’d never managed to see inside, and I wasn’t disappointed on this, my first…[Read more]

I have no experience of writing MG, and it is a loooooong time since I was aged between 8 and 12 (that’s the MG target, right?) but I would say you are slap bang on the money. I’d certainly have gone for this at that age. It’s great fun.