Mad Iguana

Thanks @KazG. Your thoughts on this are comforting. I was worried if I had to pull back and simplify more I might lose the voice, but I wanted to know if I needed to do a major edit on this aspect or not. I’ll stop worrying about it now.

But, as always, the feedback has been great at throwing up some other issues, so I shall get to work on Pix’s…[Read more]

Hi @katemachon, just got to this. I love the voice! I do agree about paring down the descriptions, making them part of the action as much as possible. And yes, you need to give us a reason to be on Ariadne’s side – give us her motivations, what she wants, what she fears.

I would also warn against overthinking the whole positioning of it,…[Read more]

I had a sticky scene that wasn’t working Squidge, and after some time away from it I reread and thought D’oh, of course she wouldn’t react like that. She’d be angry. It’s funny how the characters become real people in our heads.

Thanks for the heads up about Kingstone. I shall go take a look.

It’s still possible to get in close, even using third person. It’s a bit of a knack, to get into your character’s head in this way – I often find myself rewriting complete paras when editing, because by the end of the book I’m so familiar with my character I can tell how they’re going to react, what they’re feeling or thinking. It’s a weird place…[Read more]

I did a bit of googling and everybody says something different. Apparently in 2014 there were more first person than third, so I guess it just varies.

I shall attempt to find more subtle ways of placing my characters, as you suggested. Thanks for all the help. I’ll keep it all in mind as I go in for the next round of edits.

I should perhaps confess that my own novel is written in 1st person, and I have so far resisted the notion of changing it.

As for the Brownie Brigade Captain, if he were breathing down Ariadne’s neck or humming in her ear, or something that draws Ariadne’s attention to him, it would draw ours as a result, if that makes any sense.

That’s a really good point Sea. I took a look at my MG books and they’re all third person! Thanks for the Jess Butterworth one – I shall take a look. I’ll also try and do some investigating into first/third. (And possibly have a cry over my keyboard at the thought of rewriting into third. :D)

I wonder if this is the reason more MG books are written in 3rd person? When you write in 1st person, you don’t think like the character, you are the character, and I think that additional explanations will ultimately slow the pace.

I tried to find a MG book written in first person for comparison and all I could think of was Running on the Roof…[Read more]

Thanks @seagreen, this is all great. I’ll have a think about the save the cat moment and ramp up the fear a bit as a few people have mentioned that. I’ll weed out some of the description as well.

Re the being in the character’s head, and the explanations like ‘standing next to me’, I think you’ve cut to the heart of my question re YA vs MG…[Read more]

Hi Kate,

I don’t see a problem with the language either, to be honest, but (like Squidge) I did wonder about the amount of description at the start. It takes us out of the moment and lessens the impact of the question ‘How did I end up in this mess?’ if you see what I mean?

I have a few observations, obviously ignore anything that doesn’t work…[Read more]

Thanks @bella – it was fun to write.

Perfect @squidge, that’s great to know it’s about right. I was worrying it was a bit densely packed but maybe I just have to be careful of too heavy descriptions. I shall tweak as suggested.