Martini Rosso

Thank you for this post, Richard. I didn’t know the Manchester-Liverpool route was the first intercity connection. My WIP features the Manchester Ship Canal in the 1930s. I believe, though I haven’t checked my notes, that the Port of Manchester docks had the largest private railway system in the country at that time.

Thank you for the…[Read more]

Congratulations, Squidge! I really enjoyed your story and everyone else’s too. Thank you, Jill, for the themes and the comments.

The character questionnaire. I’m with Richard. I don’t doubt they’re great if you find them useful but for me they are disheartening.

The other ‘favourite’ which sends my spirits groundwards is the implication, sometimes a very thinly-veiled instruction, that creative prose should learn from film or TV. If studying that medium helps fire…[Read more]

Thanks, Doug.

I’m pleased the critique was useful, Jill.

I forgot to link names, and as we haven’t heard from @squidge here’s a direct contact.

All these entries are wonderful! Goodness, it has been hard to choose a winner. I love the way they all capture the detail of immediate surroundings at the same time as linking to a wider world, and how each one answers the competition’s brief in such interesting ways. All these pieces show acute sensibilities and curiosity, and I really enjoyed…[Read more]

Ten days left for anyone thinking about entering the May monthly Den competition 🙂

Lots of short posts worked! Hope they’re helpful. Kate

As a slightly more general point, I wonder if this chapter moves the story forward enough. They have this great and exciting ride and Elsbeth discovers some things about herself, but has the plot moved at all? Not having read the rest of the story it’s a bit hard to tell, but just something to think about. (Have to admit I’m guilty of too much pac…[Read more]

A few other odds and ends: ‘Snow melt trickled off the mountains into a river underground.’ This is a very big image. What is Elsbeth seeing exactly. Maybe more precise.

‘Elspeth reached out to touch him. Her fingers touched his sleeve.’ Repetition of touch.

‘Elspeth invited her to sit with them’. How? – did she indicate the chair and smile.

‘…[Read more]

Concentrating specifically on the flight section, here are some thoughts on how to use show rather than tell:

Elspeth and Tamram accepted with delight (telly – having them reply might work better. ‘Oh yes, that would be amazing’, then show us what Elsbeth is feeling. ‘A prickle of anticipation ran across Elsbeth’s skin.’ And then perhaps a d…[Read more]