Seagreen

Thanks Tony, good points, noted.
Thanks, Elle. I guess my spell checker doesn’t speak French! Good points. I think I have a tendency to over-explain or I would have ended it at “He was my first”. Need to trust the reader more. The telly paragraph is a bit of a cop out – I’ll need to rewrite it.

I can’t remember what the original prompt was, but I…[Read more]

You’re welcome, Bren. Lovely to see so many familiar names, indeed

Good luck for when you sub! Xx

Yes, definetly more oblique, great. I wonder if you might change the ‘I hate sharing you’ lime (which makes Ashley sounds possessive) to something like “it’s just… you know how you get.” In other words, have Ashley referring to the problem without quite naming it…

FWIW, I actually think the phonemail is a really key pivot point! I would recommend keeping this in, and building the structure of the piece as a whole around it, as Kate highlights.
Remember, even though this story is built of a series of vignettes, it still needs to have a narrative arc. The phone call gives you a useful turning point, and the…[Read more]

Hi Elle,
Sorry it’s taken me a while to get to this.

I really enjoyed this. I think it’s an incredibly realistic portrayal of depression, especially the sense of complete hopelessness and almost indifference that invades. She almost simply accepts and embraces her “fate”, to the point where (for me) suicide in the bath seemed like simply the next…[Read more]