John S Alty

Aargh, spoiler!

By the way, you might like to know that Rosalind doesn’t lose the baby. She’s only a month or two into her pregnancy.

I had to read this a few times, Richard, to get beyond the awfulness of it. You were right to post it with a warning.
It’s a very strong piece of writing and – this is meant as a compliment – I’m glad I had a go at my own scene before reading it, because I would have found it difficult to write in my own voice afterwards! Yes, I see how you’ve…[Read more]

Thank you, really helpful stuff – especially the double tingle spot – it’s amazing how much you can read things and not see them!
This brings the two characters together for the first time, and it is quite still, I agree, because she’s trying to hold a status quo, and he’s putting on a front, so they’re both in a state of tension in a way, which…[Read more]

Okay, Jane, here is my violent passage. I’ve left in a bit on the front to put it in context. Two words in your ear:

1) Just to explain any weirdness, this is a ghost story.
2) In addition to the violence, contains sex and a little naughty language.

Okay, here we go.

Smiling down into his face, she began to pump her hips. Joey came to meet…[Read more]

It was so lovely to catch up with you @giselle 😊😊 Thank you for cheering me on. Hope the edits are going well xx

Anyone read any Galley Beggar Press Books?

Well, clarifying the problem is always a good start! Yes, I can see better now what’s making it tricky. I guess the same principles still apply: focus on your onlooker’s reactions to what they are witnessing, rather that (just) the action itself. Maybe think about the onlooker experiencing the violence as a series of sounds, movements, colours,…[Read more]

Argent Strings

In his dreams the nylon twanged faster and faster, jumping like fleas, until –

Until he woke. The hipster fashion for tiny instruments had not run dry. Instead it had uncovered a sinister network of enthusiasts, meeting once a month in railway huts, disused kiosks. The world’s abandoned places. But why? That was his job, to fin…[Read more]

Hi,

I can really see this place, this off-season clifftop eatery, can hear the lonely squawk of gulls and the crush-thump of incoming waves. The atmosphere of near-total stillness in the cafe is well-depicted. And you’ve got some great lines in here, particularly around the descriptions:

“a fall of autumn leaves across forehead, eye lids, nose,…[Read more]

Shame Derby is a bit too far for me for a weekday evening 🙁

I agree that sex scenes like violent scenes that develop the characters or characterisation shouldn’t be shy away from. I think the main issues with those kind of scenes is when they turn into the mechanics of what goes where and who does what. The scenes I have read where it have really works were when the reader is in the head of the character,…[Read more]

Sorry, a ghost of an idea. I might have a couple of questions for you about subsequent trauma causing people to relive earlier trauma.

I can imagine how difficult that must have been to write, Richard, and I would love to read it.

The close POV is definitely a solution. However in my trickiest scene the POV is neither victim nor perpetrator but a sort of onlooker who cannot act. However this discussion has been really useful because I have, at least, realised this is why it is…[Read more]

Two bits of advice ‘freed’ me up wrt location, because I usually start with somewhere I know then make adjustments as necessary. Reading a disclaimer along the lines of “geographical liberties have been taken” I much appreciated.
Also, Eimear McBride said when she wrote of Camden, she did it from a 5 year old memory of the place and never…[Read more]