John S Alty

Hi Den Admins! Great job thus far. One question: is there any way / are there plans afoot to have a password protected section for critiques? Some places get a bit funny about first rights, as I understand it, and I just like to have things free from search engines. Cheers

I love the fact that we get to have input to your books! It’s quite the privilege, actually. Just had to say that hehe.

Anyway, enough with the gushing :o) Love the opening. Illuminorbs sound amazing. One thing I would think about though is the exclamation mark after “This was so frustrating!” Maybe make Tilda do something to vent that feeling -…[Read more]

Starting with a sentence that gives away what is going to happen is something I do a lot myself. There is a stage in my editing process where I go through the MS and look for them and mainly remove or change them. I think they are sort of notes to myself that need to come out.

When writing that painful 1st draft always remember Hemingway wise words: “The first draft of anything is shit.”

One of my favourite (quotable) bits of writing advice is from Geoff Dyer: “Have regrets. They are fuel. On the page they flare into desire.” I love that.

Wow, that’s a heck of a story Elle. Absolutely stunning from first line to last

Is this the opening to number two? It works really well whether you’ve read the first or not. Straight into the action and letting us know about Tilda and her situation without us feeling we are being told. I am inclined to agree with Mad about not giving away that she will succeed in creating an illuminorb in the opening sentence.

Yep, that was the thinking. The rest of it is quite close 3rd person, so it’s sort of cheating to know that she’s going to succeed this time. But, that presupposes something (on my part) about the rest of the book and the audience, I think.

That’s very true, Squidge. TBH, I’d say I’d re-write it about fifty times before I got anywhere and then probably end up with the first version in the end.
I think, given your focus, your approach is accurate. What I was trying to do was remove the certainty of her having succeeded on the 27th go.

Make time for day-dreaming. Fifteen minutes of doing nothing, except thinking about a particular scene, can help you visualise better.
Atmospheric music helps. As does wine. Or gin.
Okay, maybe not gin.

It’s great, Squidge! My personal taste would have been to start with:
“By Tilda’s twenty-sixth attempt to produce an illuminorb, Silviu’s patience…”
But I can’t say that would be better (in fact, it’s grammatically very awkward… so probably worse); it’s just how I would have done it. Otherwise, a cracking piece with a ton of world-building and…[Read more]

Nice one, well done Elle 🙂 Just off to have a read

Actually had a piece published today on Reflex Fiction if anybody wants to have a read, here’s the link:

https://www.reflexfiction.com/a-ghost-story-flash-fiction-by-laure-van-rensburg/

Just noticed that people may not realise that by “I” in the post above, I mean the “@denofwriters” twitter account, which I’m currently curating.
I don’t mean my own personal twitter account, which tends to be less polite and helpful.

Good idea, Mad. Can’t think of anything right now, but will rack my brains. Would be great to see others’ suggestions

I really liked this Squidge. Very immediate, straight into the action. Lovely voice. Thumbs up all around.