Terrie

Thanks Sandra. The ‘mate’ was an attempt to show gender. Always tricky in first person. I’ve never been on a motorbike so your observations are most useful, as are your suggested tweaks. Much appreciated.

I like this a LOT Kate and defnitely want to read on. One of the intriguing things for me (don’t know if it’s intentional, presume so) is that, despite the ‘mate’ I don’t 100% know what sex the narrator is at this point – either woukd be of interest.

I entirely agree with Bella’s tweaks, the following are my own reactions and are to be ignored…[Read more]

Thanks Bella. I’m relieved it works for you and thanks for all the tweaks. Definitely should be ‘they would come for me.’ Great catch.

Having never done Nano before, someone’s going to have to tell me how I log my word count, cos I can’t find where on the menu bar I do that. I have found stats… just not how to change them.

Sometimes I really hate technology.

This is great. A good build up of tension and it certainly kept my attention as I wondered what Alex is so afraid of, and why.

The prickle started between my shoulder blades and trickled down my limbs like iced water the moment I stepped outside the front door – I thought “the moment I stepped…” was continuing the simile so this pulled me out…[Read more]

OK, looks like I’m going to be ‘Silver Squidge’ as just Squidge was already taken…

Might join you – I can use it to be Camp NaNoEdMo again – that worked well for me once before.

For me, it’s about getting the time to think about short pieces, full stop. I’ve finally got going again on the novel, so my writing energy’s good, but I can’t commit to something every month on top.

If you wanted to split comp and non-comp, they could run on alternate months – that way, you can choose whether to be competitive or not. And I’ll…[Read more]

Good thought, thanks Libby. I do like the idea of regular writing prompts, but at the moment we seem to be struggling to assemble enough entries for the competition, so whether we could maintain both I don’t know. What’s the general feeling towards non-competitive prompts as well?

Thank you everyone. You are a fab lot. This is a first draft, unedited, so thanks in particular to @Kate for the nit-picky points which are most useful, though I had not requested them. And yes – September is a while away but I will probably jump straight there as far as Bethany is concerned. Anything in between is likely to be flashback to the…[Read more]

Once I’d read through a couple of times, my overall impression was curiosity, which is generally a good thing, and I felt comfortable with the way the story is moving. When I read through the first time though, I was a bit confused as to what was going on. I don’t mean the bare facts, I mean things like whether Bethany wanted the phone call,…[Read more]

Once I’d read through a couple of times, my overall impression was curiosity, which is generally a good thing, and I felt comfortable with the way the story is moving. When I read through the first time though, I was a bit confused as to what was going on. I don’t mean the bare facts, I mean things like whether Bethany wanted the phone call,…[Read more]

Some lovely, quality writing, Bella.

I do agree with the others that I didn’t need quite so much information about the Bert back story. That did slow it down.

I liked this bit. ‘The conversation could go either way. She held her breath’ It really had me thinking uh-oh, what is this mother going to be like? Is she mentally unstable and going to…[Read more]

I thought this very well written and certainly not slow. However, as the opening to a novel, in view of what you tell us is going to happen, I feel it needs a hook. Perhaps a short chapter before this one, whetting the readers appetite.
Just my opinion, as always, so ignore at will.

Didn’t feel slow at all.

Only bit that jumped out at me was the initial explanation about Bert early on – it felt quite tell-y and a bit out of place where it was. I was caught up in the conversation and Bethany’s dilemma, and it pulled me out of the dialogue.

I wonder if that info would be better moved to when Bethany mentions him later on…[Read more]

Wonderful news. Congratulations. And very interesting about the previous rejections. Subjective, as you say.

Lovely news Raine.

There’s little I like more than seeing fabulous writers recognised. Great stuff Raine, enjoy it