Jackie Wesley

I have so missed reading your writing! So good to see you here x

Ooh… I like this. Love the ramblings of his mind and the nuggets he reveals. I think I only noticed one it’s instead of its towards the start, so don’t worry so much about the dyslexia…

The first thing I picked up on are his speech/thought patterns. By which I mean he sounds…[Read more]

Like it. You mentioned ‘telly’ bits – as in telling, rather than showing. So when we first meet Florence, you tell us ‘a woman was sitting in a chair’ – a simple change like ‘a woman sat in a chair, eyes on the tv’ can make it less so. Similarly, towards the end, ‘He held a glass in each hand which…’could become something like ‘The glasses in…[Read more]

You mean the coppery tang of blood as her scalpel slices through pale flesh?! Just kidding. I know what you mean, Laure, I need to work on the atmosphere.
I hope this exercise is helping others to get a grasp of what makes a story work – join in everyone.

Brilliant news. Well done! This gave me a happy feeling today.

So, so pleased for you – to get placed once in a comp is awesome, but to be placed twice in the same one? Out of this world!

I am so chuffed with all this good news today in the Den!!

Squeeeeee!!! So, so pleased for you! And Penguin Random House too? Flip – that’s the big time! Can’t tell you how delighted I am for you xxx

Taking on board the comments so far, here’s an edited version, with a title change.

The First Time
Two men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor.
“Florence has quite perked up since you arranged this visit so she should be able to answer your questions. She’ll tire quickly, though, remember she’s over ninety.”
“Thank you, we’l…[Read more]

Thanks Tony, good points, noted.
Thanks, Elle. I guess my spell checker doesn’t speak French! Good points. I think I have a tendency to over-explain or I would have ended it at “He was my first”. Need to trust the reader more. The telly paragraph is a bit of a cop out – I’ll need to rewrite it.

I can’t remember what the original prompt was, but I…[Read more]

Hi Daeds,
Yes, if you look under fiction at acrossthemargin.com and at https://www.ellipsiszine.com you should find them. A couple of super stories from @Elle also.