@squidge
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A circuitous route – the same-old, same-old – but not so taken for granted as once it was.
Hot grey asphalt, its dull top layer peeled back by sun and tyres, glistening wet and black under, suggestive of a just-laid stickiness.
Pavements littered with the faded shadows of chalked rainbow messages to un-caped crusaders or old-fashioned hopscotch grids that beg to be hopped and skipped along, and causing a smile when temptation wins.
The comfortable familiar warmth of hand-in-hand – a rare moment of human connection in an otherwise untouchable world. Steady steps, a measured pace, talking about the little things that are so magnified under the lens of crisis.
Oversized daisies bobbing on delicate stalks. Jewel-bright bearded flags standing sentinel. Briar rosiness hanging over head.
Veering sideways to give room.
Noticing – properly – the details on buildings, the individuality expressed among a street full of the similar.
The brook running fast and low, deep in its channel, hemmed in by overgrown stingers. The heady almost-stench of cow parsley clinging to the water’s route in a swaying tide.
A rain of petals falls from gigantic conker trees, the mushroom seats beneath: empty.
Foxglove and lupin spikes pierce the soil between the wildlife-area apple trees, the branches of the latter loaded with a strange new – unseasonal? Perhaps nothing could me MORE seasonal in this time and place – fruit of woollen pompoms, attended by fir-cone birds which fly between.
A green man, previously ignored while the road lay empty, now obeyed as movement and life begins to be restored to tarmac’d lifelines.
Peonies and ponds before a last corner turned, and feet walk along familiar territory where faces are known – even if names aren’t always remembered – and a small community has grown closer and stronger through simple kindness and concern.
(Mr Squidge and I have a route we’ve walked in lockdown…)
Well done, Libby! Loved your piece. Interesting to read the stories behind the objects from everyone.
Not the best poetry, but hey ho…
It has no chain, though once it might,
It’s on a shelf, mainly out of sight.
I wound it up and heard it tick
Then set the hands with a firmer click.
Triangles mark the quarter hours
and rectangles? The intervals and other hours.
It’s made by Smiths, a British firm
Not Timex, Rolex or another well known.
It’s fairly plain, no other mark
To say when it was given or bought
A working watch for a working man
And it remembers Grandad although I can’t.Blimey – and I think my son’s nuts for setting his sights on a bass that’s selling for £5K!
Mind you, he’s got one custom built bass, courtesy of Mr Squidge, and apparently he plans to build another custom ‘normal’ guitar this summer, so who knows what they’ll be worth in years to come…?
Coming to this late…but hugs to both Hil and Janette… Agents can be beetles at times, can’t they? Fill us full of hope and then dash us down. We are stronger than they think though – we get back up and live to fight another day, and keep writing, whatever they say.
Hil, your writing is gorgeous, and you have deservedly got agent interest. Don’t give up xIt’s still possible to get in close, even using third person. It’s a bit of a knack, to get into your character’s head in this way – I often find myself rewriting complete paras when editing, because by the end of the book I’m so familiar with my character I can tell how they’re going to react, what they’re feeling or thinking. It’s a weird place to be in, but it works.
I write third person, but get close and personal – have a look at the first few chapters on look inside on Amazon for the novels. It’ll be better to read it rather than me try to explain it. Kingstone’s probably the best one for getting into a head of a character while writing in third…
Hi Kate, it’s pitched about right, I think.
I wondered about the amount of description initially – and where it just touches on backstory/info dump when your MC says she’s never been there before. Can you rework something along the lines of ‘In all my sneaking around, I’d never managed to see inside, and I wasn’t disappointed on this, my first visit. Even the circumstances that brought me here now couldn’t take away the thrill I felt on seeing…’ There’s a big list of names, too – the only reason I point that out is because I was once given the advice of not introducing too many characters too early on; focus on your MC and a few important others.
Sounds like your MC’s a bit of a tinker, and that comes across clearly – though I assume Dragonfly island is a pretty serious place to end up in? Might work more if you can put that fear across – the realisation that your MC has as to the consequences of her actions?
Does any of that help?
Skylark! Hullo! So glad you’re here with us after such a long and difficult break. I’m not around here as often as I’d like to be either, but it’s lovely to know that the Den’s still here, even if I’m not.
First drafts are a pain, aren’t they, when you revisit and find all the issues you missed in the excitement of getting it down initially.
Working on Tilda 3 at the mo; fine tuning as I go along on the computer, but working towards a decent conclusion. Mind you, when it gets to beta read stage, there’ll probably be more thrown up!
On the film front, don’t fancy 1917 at all. Have seen Cats, want to see Little Women (though I’m intrigued as to the fact it has some modern in it?) and deffo need to see David Copperfield. Should I read the book beforehand though?
Kudos for sticking with it all, Philippa – it sounds like it has really taken a toll over this year.
Looking forward very much to reading it – I am sure that it will be worth every bead of sweat, nibbled fingernail and tear shed.
And if it makes you feel better – Tilda’s just been published and even though we went through all the pages, there’s still a blasted typo in the final thing. A Ring oom, rather than a Ring Room. Must’ve missed it on at least four separate occasions… Doh.
Apologies for the delay in posting – life got in the way!
Well these shades of beige definitely weren’t boring. Thanks to everyone who entered – thin on the ground perhaps (well it is York month) but not thin on quality.
Some really poignant pieces in this mix (Dreamweaver, Je m’appelle Missy, and Hil’s Tortoiseshell Specs) secrets in Battle Drab, and a controlling, destructive priesthood in Seed Cathedral.
But this month’s chosen piece is Ath’s Tortoiseshell Specs, because of it’s pervading sense of secrecy and that awesome cannabalistic (if I’ve understood the story right!) twist at the end.
So, well done, Ath!
Sandra, they are fun, aren’t they? Valspar (Other paint companies also available!) are the absolute best ones – much more imaginative than others I could mention!
Flip! Thank you! Only popped in here cos I had a spare two minutes!
Give me til tonight, and I’ll think of something for you all to dig your teeth into…
Mantra.
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
Such is the mantra, spoken quietly in hope during clandestine gatherings, or whispered in the darkest moments outside of them, when dreams of life lived to the full fall beyond my control and are squashed like bugs in the mud.
For certain, this mantra is against the teachings of the Regulators, who have ordained that all situations should be ordered, all people confined to the roles and responsibilities, as dictated by The Book of Rules they wield so forcefully as a weapon against us.
But many yearn to break free of The Rules, and they meet in dark, secret places. Places where imagination, creativity, innovation and the freedom simply ‘to be’ are encouraged and enabled instead of being stifled and kept for an elite few. Where a lowly clerk of numbers can become a musician; an under-aged whore become a student; a rough-handed farmer in burlap become a tailor of silk or satin.
I was one of them, but discovery put paid to my resistance. The mantra is all I have left now of my defiance, and I cling to it as fiercely as a drowning man clings to a broken plank.
I will whisper it when they lead me to the stake to burn me on a pyre of my own making. As the words I crafted into forbidden stories of love and hope and dreams help to fuel the flames at my feet, I will scream this mantra until the smoke rips my voice from my throat and my tongue blackens and cooks.
And I will write it for the last time, here, now. In my final hour, on a stolen scrap of parchment, in the hope that it will be read after I am gone and the reader will take up the mantra for themselves.
Reader, break free of The Rules and the Regulators! Discover what your heart yearns to truly be – and live!
You are the master of your fate: you are the captain of your soul.
As I have been mine.
(350 words)
Enjoyed writing this, and coming back to it after a week away, thought Kate’s was a very worthy winner among a host of fab entries!
Bringing a gun into a house changes it.
It doesn’t matter that it’s locked away, out of sight. There’s something tangible – a weight, a tension – that comes with the knowledge of its presence, which terrifies me more than him.
He explained the gun’s for protection.
What extra protection could he need? He has his expression, his speech…his fists. And if they’re not enough, he has ropes, chains, hunger and pain to get what he wants.
But I’ve seen where he keeps the key.
And that means that it’s not just the house that’s changed. I’ve changed too; finally I can allow myself to hope.
For freedom.
And revenge.
Tony – sorry, but Unrelenting Limelight doesn’t work for me either. Sounds like a tragedy set on a stage, and it sounds like your relative’s life was far from a tragedy.
You said that if you’re not familiar with the name, why buy the book?
Book buyers are a strange crowd, drawn in by all sorts of things. Surely it’s that ‘drawing in’ of punters that is the first step in gaining their interest?
I know we’re not a massive straw poll, but 2/3 of folk responding here have said they would be drawn in by your original title. Granted, to make a sale, they’d then have to look at the blurb…perhaps they’d recognise the subject, perhaps not – but at least you’ve tickled their curiosity. They’ve been drawn to find out more! They might even be interested enough to take a peek inside…and buy it.
You have to go with what you feel is the right title for you as the author and the book, and my feeling from this thread is that you really don’t like your original title, even though it has received a mainly positive response?
First off, I prefer your original working title – Limelight doesn’t say much to me, but the play on words makes me wonder who Lyttle was, and what sort of ‘long way’ was it? Journey? Promotion? Makes it sound quite comedic, too. It would certainly attract interest, regardless of whether anyone knows of your ancestor or not.
With your subtitle, I’d go for incredible. Unless you’re deliberately trying to do the old Victorian music hall thing of ‘Amazing, Astounding…’?
Strapline – it’s a bit long for a strapline. Is there a particular reason for capitalising so many words? It looked a bit odd… It feels more like a blurb, but if it was a blurb it’d need padding out a little more. Would it be simpler to use something like ‘W.G Lyttle: cobbler, newspaper magnate(?), author, and entertainer’ to be more punchy strapline? The survival/tragedy and who some of the people were that he made a difference to can come into your blurb then.
Hope that helps? Only my opinion of course – others may think differently…
Wow! Saw John’s news but didn’t realise Mad was in the longlist too! Flippin’ well done to both of you xx
Brilliant! Loved the idea of ‘what horse’…and the 14th C sex manual. 😉
Looking forward to reading. Well done, Jules x
OK – finished it. Did not put it down…
Bloody brilliant.
I have to ask – how much of the premise dd you get beforehand? The stories all link so well together, I can’t work out whether it’s down to extreme luck in terms of the arrangement of the stories or whether the links written between each story are simply very well done to link what might otherwise be separate stories…
