Athelstone

Thank you everyone. You are a fab lot. This is a first draft, unedited, so thanks in particular to @Kate for the nit-picky points which are most useful, though I had not requested them. And yes – September is a while away but I will probably jump straight there as far as Bethany is concerned. Anything in between is likely to be flashback to the…[Read more]

This is a good opening, Bella. An interesting character and the dualised relationships with cat, father and mother.

I think it starts at a good point, right into an interaction that lays the groundwork for a complex relationship. Some minor things that struck me were the early ‘tell’ of Bert that others have mentioned, and a sense that the…[Read more]

Some lovely, quality writing, Bella.

I do agree with the others that I didn’t need quite so much information about the Bert back story. That did slow it down.

I liked this bit. ‘The conversation could go either way. She held her breath’ It really had me thinking uh-oh, what is this mother going to be like? Is she mentally unstable and going to…[Read more]

I thought this very well written and certainly not slow. However, as the opening to a novel, in view of what you tell us is going to happen, I feel it needs a hook. Perhaps a short chapter before this one, whetting the readers appetite.
Just my opinion, as always, so ignore at will.

Didn’t feel slow at all.

Only bit that jumped out at me was the initial explanation about Bert early on – it felt quite tell-y and a bit out of place where it was. I was caught up in the conversation and Bethany’s dilemma, and it pulled me out of the dialogue.

I wonder if that info would be better moved to when Bethany mentions him later on…[Read more]

PS I particularly enjoyed the telephone conversation betwenn the two of them.

It didn’t seem slow to me at all @bellam. Lots of great stuff. An unhappy heroine with a tricky relationship with her annoying mother who clearly has secrets in her past. And now she’s going to have to go on some ghastly coach trip with her. I’d read on. Particularly as she’s got an old and much loved cat. Only one comment – maybe the back story…[Read more]

Wonderful news. Congratulations. And very interesting about the previous rejections. Subjective, as you say.

Lovely news Raine.

For the sake of balance/context/perspective, this story has been rejected by three magazines. Just shows how totally subjective this game is!

This is fab, Raine. Not surprised though. About time you won some recognition. Well done.

There’s little I like more than seeing fabulous writers recognised. Great stuff Raine, enjoy it

That’s BRILLIANT, @raine! So glad others are seeing your amazing talent 🙂

CONGRATULATIONS,!!

Absolutely brilliant!! 😁😁

Brilliant success Raine – one out of a thousand! – Wow indeed.

Sorry, final thought – I personally like the competitive aspect, and I think the peer judging takes the subjectivity out of it somewhat, but how does everyone feel about Squidge’s suggestion of just making it a prompt/challenge? Could/should we make it non-competitive every so often?

The peer judging might be nice, so it’s only a case of totting up the votes. They do it this way on the Fantasy Faction monthly competitions and that seems to work OK. And then I suppose people can offer whatever feedback they like on any of the entries. A PM to the setter should do it.

OK then, the balance of opinion seems to be to go for two…[Read more]