Elle

Actually had a piece published today on Reflex Fiction if anybody wants to have a read, here’s the link:

https://www.reflexfiction.com/a-ghost-story-flash-fiction-by-laure-van-rensburg/

Hi Sophia,

I enjoyed reading this and I like the way you get us into the MC’s head and show up how unhinged he is through his thoughts. I also like the subtle hint about OCD and the repeat of the four-pattern. I think you’ve suggested well that there is a lot more going about this MC that we don’t know yet.

One thing that stuck out for me in…[Read more]

This reads better and I like that ending much better. One thing I think it’s missing at least for me are smell, colours, touch, little details that makes a scene come alive and differentiate it from other stories. For example, the smells in the nursing home, or when you said the restaurant was shabby, how was it shabby are we talking mismatched…[Read more]

Congratulations! Read the winning story and it is beautiful and well deserved 1st place.

That’s amazing news! Congratulations! Please keep us updated, especially one you have a publication date.

Thanks Philippa for your feedback. I’m really happy that you found it credible especially bearing in mind your background.

I have corrected all of those typos and mistakes so thank you for that too.

Based on Raine’s and someone else’s feedback I have added the following paragraph:

She woke up filled with the resolve to go out, bathe in fresh…[Read more]

Oh I like that suggestion, thanks for that!

Hi John, I enjoyed the story and the twist.I agree it is well written and I enjoyed the little touches of dark humour. Personally I would have left the end at “he was my first.” and add something about memories to keep the ambiguity of the statement.

Also I wanted to get a bit more in Florence’s motivations or maybe not motivation but some kind…[Read more]

Thanks Philippa, the good news is that I have kept it but hopefully I’ve made it more oblique. I’ve kept it where it is in the story and I have taken Kate’s suggestion and move the father vignette towards the end as a reveal to tie it all together.

The new phone vignette is:

Sprawled on bed, phone wedged between your shoulder and your ear, you…[Read more]

You’re not slow at all. I’m still amazed you read it and gave me all that feedback impaired with a migraine. I would have never been able to do that.

Congratulations Helen!

Congratulations Daedalus, Hilary and KazG!!

I agree any stories that get published, just post a link on here.

Thank you Jonathan and Deadalus for your feedback and suggestions, they have been massively useful.

Regarding the comment about the cereal and the sugar. The reason it’s in there is to show her degradation when later she has cereal again and that time they taste like cardboard

I tried to make the hospital and the fact that the last paragraph…[Read more]

Thanks everybody!

@Daedalus – the story is called ‘Coming Home’ and it should be published in next month’s issue. It’s a new literary magazine https://barrenmagazine.com

I won’t be there this year but good luck Skylark and enjoy every minute of it you deserve it!