Patricia Purvis

Editing
“Listen to me, Luigi; we’re always on the lookout for new stage plays and this one sounded interesting. Ingenious plot, bit of sex, incest, prostitution, a potential murder and ending up with a suicide.” He put down the cigar he had been waving like a conductor’s baton and folded his hands on his expansive belly. “What’s not to like?”
“…[Read more]

RL = Real Life

Well done, Daeds, a star is born!

I’ve never started a piece of fiction knowing the ending. I like to start with a scene, put a character into it, and see where it goes. I enjoy the ride.

Hi L,

I think you could trim most of the paragraphs in the first half of the story, really. The Physics thing (tight pants) early on could go, you use this analogy later on anyway. Watching a film at the cinema, that paragraph could be less wordy I think.
And towards the end – “zipped her hoodie and pulled the hood over her head” etc. I know…[Read more]

I think “Spotting an opening…” needs a new para. The lipstick thing is a little over complicated, I think you could shorten it without losing anything.
The “pills like skittles” analogy doesn’t work for me.
“Small-to-medium-time” seems a cop-out, he’s a small-time crook, I think.
“Anticipated to sit..” should be “anticipated sitting”.

I’d take…[Read more]

The Banjo
The phone rings in the lost property office at Euston Station in London.
“Lost Property, Smith speaking, how may we help?”
He takes a sip from his tea, listens.
“Yes, sir, anything left on a train on this line ends up here. Assuming it’s turned in, like. What have you lost?
“So, a banjo is it sir? Well let me have a look, won’t be…[Read more]

Well done, good job as usual, L!

Tangled Web (A, The, What a, Weaving a,)
Untangled Web

Time is sometimes described as a fourth dimension, so:
Fourth Dimension
The Fourth Dimension
Into the, From the, Out of the, Attack of the. (last one was a joke).

Yes, Thea – that ‘never apologise, never explain’ – I read, many years ago, that to do so was a sign of immaturity, but it’s one I haven’t always managed (not so much about my writing, I’m glad to say).

Excellent, Richard.

Phillippa: that sounds a very good attitude to develop,thanks.

I realised that, when in the habit of being ready and willing to apologise, I was giving myself an excuses to fail.
Joining groups such as the Cloud, partaking in story challenges – stretching myself so as not to embarrass myself, judging my work against the very varied submissions of others, and trusting that my peers will give it the respect t…[Read more]