Mezz

But now, three log-ins later, it works normally.

Clearing browser cache has no effect.

It was great to be there, Skylark, and hear you tell your story. So inspiring. I bought Home at the end and you signed it for me. Just the perfect memory of York 2018. It was my first Festival of Writing, hoping for many more.

@Squidge – I think you meant to thank @madiguana, the Admin who is custodian of the Den’s twitter channel 🙂

Thanks, Daeds. It’s been an interesting exercise.

Thanks Lorraine. To some extent you’re reading my mind! I’ve changed the opening, she’s on a three day pass, we’re down to one policeman, added sensory bits, edited, edited. Your comments are very helpful. I think I might just put it on my website.

Thank you Squidge,I appreciate the input. Food for thought.

Thanks Jules.

You mean the coppery tang of blood as her scalpel slices through pale flesh?! Just kidding. I know what you mean, Laure, I need to work on the atmosphere.
I hope this exercise is helping others to get a grasp of what makes a story work – join in everyone.

Taking on board the comments so far, here’s an edited version, with a title change.

The First Time
Two men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor.
“Florence has quite perked up since you arranged this visit so she should be able to answer your questions. She’ll tire quickly, though, remember she’s over ninety.”
“Thank you, we’l…[Read more]