Stevie

Thanks, Daeds. It’s been an interesting exercise.

Thanks Lorraine. To some extent you’re reading my mind! I’ve changed the opening, she’s on a three day pass, we’re down to one policeman, added sensory bits, edited, edited. Your comments are very helpful. I think I might just put it on my website.

Thank you Squidge,I appreciate the input. Food for thought.

Thanks Jules.

You mean the coppery tang of blood as her scalpel slices through pale flesh?! Just kidding. I know what you mean, Laure, I need to work on the atmosphere.
I hope this exercise is helping others to get a grasp of what makes a story work – join in everyone.

Superb news Kaz – I’ve always loved your writing so know this is very well deserved. I’ll be in Melbourne in November, but more whizzing in and out a couple of times, on our way elsewhere, Will send you a closer wave, at least.

Just read it – told with your usual heart-warming warmth, salted, as always with human reality. Excellent.

Yes, Hel – please do post – here or in our SE Group (not sure you’ve found that?) but let us know where. I definitely want to read it.

Only just found this Janette – brilliant and well-deserved news. Keep us posted.

Taking on board the comments so far, here’s an edited version, with a title change.

The First Time
Two men wearing overcoats followed the nurse down the corridor.
“Florence has quite perked up since you arranged this visit so she should be able to answer your questions. She’ll tire quickly, though, remember she’s over ninety.”
“Thank you, we’l…[Read more]

Thanks Tony, good points, noted.
Thanks, Elle. I guess my spell checker doesn’t speak French! Good points. I think I have a tendency to over-explain or I would have ended it at “He was my first”. Need to trust the reader more. The telly paragraph is a bit of a cop out – I’ll need to rewrite it.

I can’t remember what the original prompt was, but I…[Read more]