Jonathan

Hi Elle,

I remember you talking about this story, and I really like it. A very clever twist on the oldest of tales.

I think you set things up well: we are expecting her to be the victim, but it shifts dramatically and she becomes the predator, turning the tables with her newly-discovered sexual power. Your writing, descriptions etc. as always,…[Read more]

Hi Elle,
Yes, I can see how that addition can work to show her trying and failing.
xx

I did wonder if there was an act involved… Not convinced you need lots more ‘innits’ unless he’s thinking them. Glad the thoughts were useful x

Thank you Squidge,I appreciate the input. Food for thought.

Thanks Jules.

I have so missed reading your writing! So good to see you here x

Ooh… I like this. Love the ramblings of his mind and the nuggets he reveals. I think I only noticed one it’s instead of its towards the start, so don’t worry so much about the dyslexia…

The first thing I picked up on are his speech/thought patterns. By which I mean he sounds…[Read more]

Like it. You mentioned ‘telly’ bits – as in telling, rather than showing. So when we first meet Florence, you tell us ‘a woman was sitting in a chair’ – a simple change like ‘a woman sat in a chair, eyes on the tv’ can make it less so. Similarly, towards the end, ‘He held a glass in each hand which…’could become something like ‘The glasses in…[Read more]

Thanks @debi! I am indebted to you and Emma for getting me this stage 🙂 I’m so excited…I’m watching emails between my agent and the Penguin Random House editor fly, saying such nice things, and I’m having to pinch myself 🙂

@bric – thank you love! You played a big part with your beta magnificence, too 🙂

And thank you everyone, for all…[Read more]

Read some of those stories, @johnalty – superb stuff, all with a strong, distinct voice. Even a couple of twists. Looking forward to finding @elle‘s stuff too

Thabks for the shout out, Kaz 😊 it was your talent and perseverence that won the day though xxx

You’re all brilliant. Thank you so much for your really heartwarming comments. I keep reading them with (another) stupid grin on my face.

And I have been VERY remiss in not singling out two members of the previous Cloud for special thanks – @debi and Emma Darwin, who run the phenomenally excellent Self Editing your Novel course – which first…[Read more]

There are two things it does do, John.

1 – it forms one of the filters on what you want to see on the main wall (Activity tab on main menu). You can toggle through the sub menu and choose to only see what friends have said. Right now we’re a small forum of 70 but if we hit a couple of 1000 of active users, you might very well prefer to just see…[Read more]

You mean the coppery tang of blood as her scalpel slices through pale flesh?! Just kidding. I know what you mean, Laure, I need to work on the atmosphere.
I hope this exercise is helping others to get a grasp of what makes a story work – join in everyone.

It was lovely to see you again at York, Janette. Bravo for your double-win ! Your story is emotionally rich and poignant without reaching pathos or simplicity. Beautifully done, and a well-deserved victory (victories).

Kaz, this is so exciting – not one bit of good news, but TWO: new agent AND Penguin’s interest! Yes yes yes yes yes!!! Going with the agent you felt the most comfortable with seems the way to go.

I’m so happy for you!

Well done, Janette! Good for you.