Jules

Hi Elle,

I remember you talking about this story, and I really like it. A very clever twist on the oldest of tales.

I think you set things up well: we are expecting her to be the victim, but it shifts dramatically and she becomes the predator, turning the tables with her newly-discovered sexual power. Your writing, descriptions etc. as always,…[Read more]

Hi Sophia,

I enjoyed reading this and I like the way you get us into the MC’s head and show up how unhinged he is through his thoughts. I also like the subtle hint about OCD and the repeat of the four-pattern. I think you’ve suggested well that there is a lot more going about this MC that we don’t know yet.

One thing that stuck out for me in…[Read more]

Hi Elle,
Yes, I can see how that addition can work to show her trying and failing.
xx

Happy dancing along with the rest, Kaz! Congratulations – this is so exciting. Sorry I’ve not been in among the beta readers but I’d love to catch up with this some time.

I did wonder if there was an act involved… Not convinced you need lots more ‘innits’ unless he’s thinking them. Glad the thoughts were useful x

Thank you Squidge,I appreciate the input. Food for thought.

Thanks Jules.

I have so missed reading your writing! So good to see you here x

Ooh… I like this. Love the ramblings of his mind and the nuggets he reveals. I think I only noticed one it’s instead of its towards the start, so don’t worry so much about the dyslexia…

The first thing I picked up on are his speech/thought patterns. By which I mean he sounds…[Read more]

Like it. You mentioned ‘telly’ bits – as in telling, rather than showing. So when we first meet Florence, you tell us ‘a woman was sitting in a chair’ – a simple change like ‘a woman sat in a chair, eyes on the tv’ can make it less so. Similarly, towards the end, ‘He held a glass in each hand which…’could become something like ‘The glasses in…[Read more]

Thanks @debi! I am indebted to you and Emma for getting me this stage 🙂 I’m so excited…I’m watching emails between my agent and the Penguin Random House editor fly, saying such nice things, and I’m having to pinch myself 🙂

@bric – thank you love! You played a big part with your beta magnificence, too 🙂

And thank you everyone, for all…[Read more]

Read some of those stories, @johnalty – superb stuff, all with a strong, distinct voice. Even a couple of twists. Looking forward to finding @elle‘s stuff too

Absolutely FANTASTIC! I cannot express how delighted I am! Ada is brilliant and her story deserves to be told and filmed and …. oh I am so happy!

Kaz! KAAAAAZZZZ! This is utterly brilliant news. I’m so delighted and excited for you. You’re absolutely right to have an agent too, even though you’ve already got what most people want from an agent. As soon as there’s somewhere online that I can link to, I’ll be adding you to the Self-Edit Hall of Fame. Lots of you are already listed there.…[Read more]

That’s brilliant news. Congratulations!

You’re all brilliant. Thank you so much for your really heartwarming comments. I keep reading them with (another) stupid grin on my face.

And I have been VERY remiss in not singling out two members of the previous Cloud for special thanks – @debi and Emma Darwin, who run the phenomenally excellent Self Editing your Novel course – which first…[Read more]